I created this particular piece of art back in August when I was just beginning to see hope again. Back then, it felt like I was teetering on the edge of something that was going to be big in my life. I was right.
My life has taken so many directions since then that I couldn’t have imagined. Things aren’t perfect. I’m still struggling with some mood issues and insomnia and not everything is roses, but I’ve come a long way.
I again feel as though I’m on the edge of something good, though. I can Almost see it on the horizon. I’m not sure what it is. Maybe it’s the new year. Maybe it’s just this art class I’m starting in a couple of weeks that is giving me some hope (I’m also pretty nervous about it too). Maybe it’s just reflecting back on how far I’ve come this year and anticipating where I could be this time next year. I don’t know.
All I do know, is that I have a little seed of hope. In spite of everything.
It almost feels rational not to. If something happens to both of my parents, the life I know ceases to exist. I become in trouble financially immediately. I don’t have a way to support myself really, and the small amount I get from the government, (which I am grateful for), is not enough to really live on. When I spend time with that thought, I start to lose hope in my future.
Except, I still have this belief that I’m not in this situation forever. I used to believe that I was. Everyone around me did. Now there are people who expect me to do better, to have a chance at a better life. They give me hope and help me to believe that there is something out there for me beyond where I am at now.
So I believe. Most of the time. I’m almost there. I can almost see it.
Older art by me.