I used to think that I knew how to do everything. Perhaps that was the confidence of my twenties, or perhaps that was just confidence, but I lost that somewhere along the way.
I think I lost a lot of it with my mental health diagnosis at 28. I kind of curled up into myself and gave up on trying anything new and even doing the things that I knew I could.
I stopped taking any kind of risk at all and just started ghosting my own life in this living-dead sort of place. I wasn’t really living because I wasn’t doing anything.
I’m just beginning to pull myself out of that dark place and bring myself back to life.
It’s been like starting over for me in so many ways, so I am very much like a Neophyte on this journey. I am having to relearn coping skills, relearn ways of thinking, and relearn ways of behaving even. I’m slowly picking up art skills and writing skills. I want to pull out my trumpet again.
It all feels a little shaky still, like a newly born fawn still finding her legs, but I have great support people to help nudge me along.