I am not patient. This is part of my trust issue. I really hate this situation with my psychiatric prescriber and the fact that I don’t really have one that can handle my mess at the moment.

I have trialed and failed on 28 different medications now over the years due to various reasons, but most have been ER visits due to bad reactions. Some have been admits to medical units or psych units.

I really need a prescriber who can think outside of the box and has creative solutions to my problems. Right now, I don’t have that. My psychiatrist suddenly retiring was kind of the end of the world.

I know people are working on this issue for me. I know that they are. I should trust that process. I’m trying SUPER hard to do that.

I’m failing.

I just want to call around and find someone tomorrow.


I know of at least one competent doctor that I’ve worked with on an inpatient basis that I trust. I don’t trust anyone, so I think he would be a good fit. He’s just outside of the little network that I am in now and so it is kind of difficult for my other providers to coordinate. I don’t know that his office is taking new patients either.

I just hate waiting. Hate it. This part of my life being unresolved sucks since I count on it so much. Clearly too much.


I wish “crazy” wasn’t so damn hard.

Image from Pixabay.


13 thoughts on “Patience

  1. You’ve tried 28 different meds?? Holyfuckingshit. I had a bad reaction after 1 and quit trying. I just wanna hug you. Out of curiosity, does marijuana help? It’s been the only thing that works for me and I don’t have a problem with side-effects, but I know it doesn’t work for everyone. I’ve also noticed certain foods spin me out of control too, so I have to be cautious.

    Stay strong. Everything will be okay 💜

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aww thanks. MJ kind of leads me into depressive states so it isn’t very effective for me. It works as a true depressant as advertised, especially if I use it over any length of time.

      Also, I can’t tolerate the stuff out now. Any of it. It might as well be heroin. I immediately puke.

      The lesser quality crap stuff from my teens 20+ years ago before people turned breeding into a true science and made it super potent was tolerable. I can’t even smell the stuff now without getting queasy.

      That’s obviously highly personal to me, and I’m glad it works for you. I know from having it for other medical stuff that ketamine works for mood like nothing else for me, but only for a few weeks after one dose, and right now I’m still waiting for final fda approval for the ketamine metabolite that is supposed to hit the market some time next year.

      Liked by 1 person

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