I don’t know why I am so afraid of everything. I didn’t use to be. It’s so frustrating.
I have this helpless streak now. I don’t know where it came from.
Maybe it came from diagnosis. I think I over identified with it and then I sort of just collapsed. It was easier than fighting every day.
Now I’m fighting that helpless streak instead every day. I have to keep reminding myself of who I was, who I am, and who I can be.
I just want to rewind to a decade ago. I might have been messed up, but at least my life was sort of together. Whatever this is is sucks.
I just want myself back. I just want my life back.
I would like to not be afraid of every event. I would like to not catastrophize everything. I would like for anxiety not to run me like a meat sack.
I keep working on it. I go to therapy and I do the homework and I bust my ass trying to figure myself out. Progress is just not happening fast enough I guess. I feel defeated.
New art by me.