Afraid

I don’t know why I am so afraid of everything. I didn’t use to be. It’s so frustrating.

I have this helpless streak now. I don’t know where it came from.

Maybe it came from diagnosis. I think I over identified with it and then I sort of just collapsed. It was easier than fighting every day.

Now I’m fighting that helpless streak instead every day. I have to keep reminding myself of who I was, who I am, and who I can be.

It’s exhausting.

I just want to rewind to a decade ago. I might have been messed up, but at least my life was sort of together. Whatever this is is sucks.

I just want myself back. I just want my life back.

Ugh.

I would like to not be afraid of every event. I would like to not catastrophize everything. I would like for anxiety not to run me like a meat sack.

I keep working on it. I go to therapy and I do the homework and I bust my ass trying to figure myself out. Progress is just not happening fast enough I guess. I feel defeated.

And scared.

New art by me.

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9 thoughts on “Afraid

    1. The bipolar ride is a scary one, but it doesn’t have to own you. I let the label take me over. Please try to not let that happen to you. I became a victim of my multiple diagnoses instead of a survivor. I’m working on changing my perspective.

      I’m sorry you are going through this now.

      Liked by 1 person

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