Steam

I often feel like I’m in a pressure cooker being steam cooked and roasted until I am very done. 

I have to stop and figure out how I get there when it happens. Usually it’s because of Expectations I have placed on myself that were unrealistic in some way. 

I have a tendency to set my “you must achieve” marker based on where everyone else in my peer group is. In my age range, people are settling down with families, buying their first or (or second!!!) home, establishing legitimate careers, etc. It’s all there on Facebook for me to see. 

I have exactly zero of those things.

I’m not certain how many of them I want, but it feels like the adulthood checklist. Marriage? Check. Kids? Check. House? Check. Career? Check. 

Out of all of those, I’d really just like a career. A vocation that is mine. 

I have to learn to reset that marker to a place that is appropriate for me. I hate that I have to do that though. I don’t like that some days my marker is, “yay! You showered and wiped down the bathroom counter today!” It’s hard to be satisfied with that. 

I’m learning that satisfaction with the little things is what gets me to the bigger things though. Since my confidence is largely what is holding me back now, it is about the little victories and making sure that I celebrate those so that I can get to the bigger ones. 

It still feels ridiculous some days to celebrate a shower and going to the store, but I do it. Sometimes I need other people to help me celebrate because I don’t feel like it is enough, but I do it. 

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