I slept so hard that even after I woke up and saw the daily prompt today, my brain refused to process it as a word. I was prepeared to argue that Deny was not, in fact, a word and kept asking myself, “what is deneee?”

Thr sandman still had a hold of my brain and i couldnt see what was right in front of me.

Denial and avoidance work that way for me too. My brain has an automatic self-defense feature that kicks in and will protect me from things before I even have a chance to evaluate the threat. I will just start avoiding something and earnestly denying it’s a problem because I don’t realize there’s something I’m avoiding. I really should talk to the engineers running my brain about that safety feature and have a recall issued. I don’t think it’s working correctly…

Regardless, it’s a thing I do and I’m trying to figure out how to change it. Sorting out the difference between things that are good for me but hard, things that aren’t bad for me but hard and not necessary, and things that are detrimental to me and hard is difficult. Before I just avoided anything with too much of a challenge for fear of failure. 

That fear of failure goes back to my issues with perfectionism and not wanting to do something if I can’t be the best or perfect at it. The reasons for that are tied up in being afraid to fail. 

So to avoid ALL of that, the sand man sprinkles the denial and avoidance dust and I am lulled back to sleep.

Image from Pixabay 

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