Things

I was so lost and confused as a teen, I didn’t even realize how good I had it when I was there. It was the middle of the 90’s and frankly, many things were confusing for me at that point. If I could go back in time to talk to myself at 16, I would have a lot of things to say. 

I’d tell myself that I was part of the Popular kids, but that I just didn’t see it because the popular kids hazed each other worse than they bullied the other kids. 

I’d tell myself that I was right to drop out of high school when I did, but that I should have listened to my mom a little more closely about what she thought too. 

I’d tell myself to listen to the doctors and ask as many questions as possible about that bipolar diagnosis. I might suggest that it will come up again later. 

I would tell myself not to be so scared of the future of some things that I lose track of the present. 

I’d also tell her the trite things like spending more time with grandparents and appreciating freedom more. Things I wouldn’t have heard at 16 even from my older self. 

I don’t really have any serious regrets in my life. I have a lot of “what ifs?” in my life, and a couple minor “man I wish I woulda’s,” but nothing overly serious. 

All of my life has been determined by the decisions I’ve made, and while I’m not 100% thrilled with where my life is, I’m not all that unhappy with who I am. 

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