Admittedly, it’s a slow one for me. I don’t cycle quickly. Episodes drag on for several weeks or months, extending the torture of the crushing depression, or pushing the limits of the consequences that I face from the manic highs to my limits.
I can often feel like I lose “myself” in these episodes. Sometimes I am not quite certain which version of “me” is the real one. I’ve posted about this before, and I’ve made it clear that I know who the core of myself is, but sometimes I’m uncertain as to whether I’m a little more shy or a little more “out there.”
I have recently decided to Elevate myself above all of that noise and become into myself more. I don’t have to be either of the people I think I am when I am episodic. I can just be me. I like me. I have flaws and faults and cracks. I get overwhelmed and overstimulated. I’m also kind and bubbly and funny. I choose to be more of those things. I can work on my flaws. I don’t have to get caught up in episodic me.
Of course I am going to experience episodes and those versions will crop up. They don’t have to define me though, and I refuse to let them. I define me. At least inside my head. I decide how I see myself. I am my own mirror. I choose to be more.
Image from Pixabay