“I don’t just want you to like me, I want to be one of the most joy-inducing human beings that you’ve ever encountered. I want to explode on your night sky like fireworks at midnight on New Year’s Eve in Hong Kong.”
-Carrie Fisher from The Princess Diarist
I saw this quote yesterday and it was actually a really good reminder of how I have been in the past as a person with insecurities, but also who I am when I am manic. I don’t just come into a room, I explode into it.
My personality becomes Magnetic. I may actually sparkle with charm and wit. This isn’t hubris. Nothing is more attractive than confidence and I have that in abundance when I am manic.
I’ve been questioning whether my recent rise in mood was due to an episode or due to improvement. I really think it’s improvement because I definitely still have some insecurities. It’s fun to be a firework, and I want to be one, without all of the other attending mess, but I’m really not at the moment. I still have anxieties about interactions with people (not a consideration in mania), I still would like to sleep in, and I still get tired. Sometimes my thoughts move a little faster but I think that’s anxiety and not any kind of mania. It’s always anxious-type thoughts.
I think I’m good.
Now if I could just master the sparkle without the mania…