First, while I own my own recovery, I did find stable ground with a providing location that made me feel safe and like I had a firm foundation, which is something I didn’t have before. This gave me a “jumping off point” for being brave and starting down the path towards other things.
I started becoming confident enough to change my relationships with providers that weren’t working. Changing my relationship with my PCP for instance, dramatically cut into my use of the emergency room for medical issues. I’m still potentially on the hunt for a therapist, but that is up in the air. It can take a bit for that to work itself out and to find the right one.
I have become more confident in advocating for my needs in general, setting healthier boundaries and asking for help when it is more appropriate.
I have made some really difficult physical health appointments that I have avoided for a long time and begun to take care of my physical health.
I started this blog and started getting really good feedback from the nicest people which further helped my confidence. This was one of the best decisions I ever made to be honest. I absolutely love writing this blog. I love reading others’. It’s fantastic. What a wonderful community!
I wrote two articles for The Mighty, one yet to be published (but I did get notification that they are publishing it), that were accepted by the editors there. I have gotten great feedback from friends and family on that article and it has 750 hearts in just over ten days! That has been a huge confidence booster as well. There is something very validating about being recognized for a talent vs something sort of vague like being a nice person or having pretty eyes. I appreciate those compliments as well, but I used to believe I was a good writer and then I stopped. It’s amazing to get compliments about my writing. They bring me close to tears (and sometimes fully to tears) every time.
Finally, I found my own volunteering position, went to the orientation, and have a start date all by myself. I am over the moon about that. I’ve talked about that recently, but that doesn’t take the happy meter down any.
I am loving this (more) confident side of myself. It’s not the artificial confidence of hypomania or mania. It’s real and earned and hard-won. It’s come about over time and I am at once so incredibly grateful and proud at the same time. I’m humbled by where I have been and where I could go back to. I know it isn’t outside of the realm of possibility for me to slide back down there. I also know I’m not letting go of this easily.
This is a victory I intend to hold onto.